They waited 12,000 years to waste 2 hours of my life...

So last night we went to go see 10,000 BC. If you're thinking about going to see it, just slam your crotch in the door of your dishwasher for two hours. You'll have more fun. It's like giving a crackhead booze money in exchange for him explaining ancient history to you, only you feel more guilty afterwards.

Plot Summary:

Open on a village of people clinging to life on the side of a glacier. They find a girl with blue eyes, who was sent to them as an apocalyptic omen. Instead of killing her with a rock, like any sane people would do, they create a contest where the winner gets to have sexy times from now on.

Cut to a few years latter. Russian men on horses (4 legged demons) come and ransack the village and steal the women and children. To get his poontang back, Delay, the village outcast turned leader, treks across the mountains. The rescue team finds themselves in a jungle where they are promptly attacked by giant chickens. After the poultry incident they walk five feet and find themselves in the African savannah where Delay falls in a hole and befriends a sabre tooth tiger who is starving but decided not to eat delay to help the plot along. With the help of his tiger friend, Delay makes some black friends, travels through time to Egypt, knocks down a pyramid, incites a slave uprising, and throws a stick though a Pharaoh because he was using woolly mammoths for construction purposes without a license. In the end, a lunch lady dies so his woman can come back to life and he learns how to farm.

It was like listening to me tell a story to myself.